February 10, 2016
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Moms
Intellectually I think I need to spend my time in the present and look towards the future. Emotionally I think I spend too much time in the past. It's hard to leave it because there's a much loved son there.
My brother just had a birthday. Whenever we call each other, we spend some time in the past too. This time we had a lot of present to discuss also. Our mother has Alzheimer's just like dad did. She forgot his birthday for the first time. (I was extra glad that I took time out of my ohsobusy schedule to call him and sing happy birthday.)
Mom is still living alone, with her dachshund, just two miles from my brother. Thus far he feels she can still manage alone. She eats, she feeds and walks the dog. Unlike dad, she is physically healthy. She will turn 79 next month. Along with comments such as, "she'll outlive us both" and "only the good die young," we did discuss the realities of "what next?" We discussed an aid coming in to help her, maybe a live-in, and the likely eventuality of nursing home care.
Dad spent the last three weeks of his life living with us, eventually on hospice care. Mom has steadfastly refused to even consider moving here to the Midwest (insert huge sigh of relief) so being her caregiver is off the table. The only twinge of guilt I have is because my brother has really been saddled with huge responsibility with both parents. Plus he worries about his own future. Already a cancer survivor and two parents with Alzheimer's.
Just one of my worries is becoming a burden to my kids. (Have I already done that?) It's probably something most mothers think about.
No answers but sharing is good.
Mom at nephew's wedding two years ago.
Comments (4)
Knowing that certain conditions run in the family can really cause concern. My maternal grandmother was diabetic and so was my father. Having it on both sides of the family is very unnerving. I'm lucky that dementia and Alzheimer's hasn't visited my family but there are so many of my friend's parents who are suffering the effects. All decisions will be difficult. Prayers will be said.
Thank you, Val. @murisopsis:
We took care of my MIL and her sister for fiver years and MIL was very mean. I let my wife escape for long weekends as her mom did not get under my skin.
Again parents need to have a plan. It is very tough on the kids.
@HUMOR_ME_NOW: I agree. We had my MIL for 7 years. The more confused she became the harder it was on her son, my husband. She actually spent the last three months of her life with her other son and his family. I didn't mind her, but would be like your wife and her mom if I had to live with my own mom again. We are oil and water.
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