January 21, 2016

• Anxiety, Thy Name Is...

  My first xanga entry was in November 2004. For whatever reason it only goes back to 2011 now. I didn't blog much during that time. In the beginning I wrote pretty much everyday. Sometimes more than once. What in the world did I have to talk about? Actually, I do know. I blogged on vacations, posted those photos, blogged about my kids, the good, the bad, and the ugliness of mothering 3 sons, including the last teenager.

  Now I think I'll blog looking to regain control of my sanity. I have an anxiety disorder, and of late it seems to be out of control.

   

  That's as far as I got a few days ago. Since then I've been sick, feeling much better now, and I had an entire wasted day of anxiety, complete with a panic attack the day before yesterday. For those who have never had one, the symptoms of a panic attack very much mimic what we're taught are the symptoms of a heart attack. The first time I ever had one I went to the ER. Since then, I try to talk myself down, deep breathing, going out into the cold, walking briskly. My fear is that someday I'll ignore a real heart attack while trying to deep breathe away my panic attack. Oy.

  Yesterday was a good day. So far, so good today also.

  • 7:11 pm
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