William decided that we should support the Boy Scouts and get our tree from them rather than attempting to hike around the tree farm, as my brace is still on my leg. (Ortho appointment next week!) So we did. I can still take an awfully long time finding The Perfect Tree, even in a lot with a much smaller selection. Tradition has it that tree hunting day must be wickedly cold, preferably with some sort of precipitation, but we broke with tradition there too. (Is this what getting old looks like?!)

   
I wandered around the river bank as the kind Boy Scout tied the tree to the top of our car.

This is The Fox River in Batavia, Illinois.

We decided the tree needed to go up on a chest again this year due to our rambunctious 5 month old puppy, Cupcake.

It doesn't show up well in this photo, but I added a string of purple lights (and many purple ornaments) to the tree. It makes me happy and is my way of including Dylan. Eldest son, Wayne, will be coming next week and will stay through the holidays. Son, Justin, will set the ramp up for him again and install some extra handles on a couple of doors to make it easier for Wayne to get in and out and reach to close doors behind him.

I wrapped presents today and planned the Christmas menu. I'm cooking a traditional German dinner this year and have already ordered the meat from the butcher. It's always so nice to have the "kids" home, though the absence of one is always felt by everyone when we are all together. Still, I'm getting excited.

I'm glad I have started writing on xanga again, though I'm not yet certain what direction to take my blog.

For now we're not doing any traveling.

The holidays are coming entirely too quickly.

I've been laid up with bronchitis and a knee in a brace, and I don't want to be whiney.

When I'm run down with illness and can't keep busy enough I start to feel sorry for myself. That's taken the form of tears as I'm so much more emotional. While it's been four years and two months since Dylan died, it will be our 5th Christmas without him. When I logged into facebook this morning, I found this written (she gave me permission to share) by one of his friends:

"The past couple months I've been having very strange and very lucid dreams, many of which I am in what seems to be different realms outside the walls of reality.

I joined xanga in November of 2004. (How is it possible that was 10 years ago?) I still remember writing about that Thanksgiving. I think I'll reread it. I'm certain I had more of a sense of humor back then.

This year will be a very quiet Thanksgiving. Fun are the ones where there are lots of family and friends, commotion and discussions. Wayne will not be here tomorrow as he will be coming for a couple of weeks in December for Christmas. The girls are all spending time with other families and friends this year. My family is in NY, William's family is in OR, and our friends are scattered here and there, but none close enough to share the holidays.

We actually thought about skipping our own dinner time and going to help out at the food kitchen, but then I would have had to think about both Wayne and Justin alone on Thanksgiving, so cooking for 3 it is.

I have much to be thankful for, not the least of which is that this was the year the realization hit that I can be happy again. Everyone's timeline is different, of course. Mine seemed to be 3.5 years. This Spring the thought just hit me one day that I was content, maybe even happy. I still think of Dylan everyday, I miss him and love him and there's nothing I wouldn't do to have him back, but that isn't going to happen so I am living life the best I can. It's better for me, my other sons and my husband.

Happy Thanksgiving from our house to yours.

The hole in this tree outside my window has been home to squirrels and raccoons. Sometimes they pose just perfectly.

My first born son was paralyzed in a car accident while he was in the ARMY in 1997. He was 20 years old at the time. He is now 38. He's come through a lot of dark years and is now a three sport athlete and extreme fitness advocate.

Here he is playing tennis.

When last I was blogging, a number of years ago now, Wayne hadn't yet found his niche in life. This has changed in the last 3-4 years.

Here he won an International Doubles Tournament in wheelchair tennis this past summer in NYC.
The rules for w/c tennis are exactly the same except they get 2 bounces of the ball. This also enables players in wheelchairs to practice with able bodied opponents.

Wayne moved to Colorado in 2010, 2 months after his brother died. He learned to ski on a monoski and live a more healthy life, "for two."

A couple of years ago he added hand-cycling for cardio fitness and strength and endurance. He rides 3 seasons, and even when there's no snow in Winter.
I'm looking forward to seeing him over Christmas.

In March 2012 we put our way-too-big house in Highland Park, IL on the market. It wasn't a good time to be selling real estate, but it was definitely time for us to move. We took a pretty big financial hit doing so, but by October/November we finally had and accepted an offer, and at almost the same time we made an offer on a new (old - built in 1930) house in Geneva, IL. www.geneva.il.us/ It's a quaint little town in the Fox River Valley. Just touristy enough to make me want to live here, not so touristy as to be annoying, and we are close enough to walk downtown.

I fell in love with this house immediately. These photos are from the first day we saw it. We knew there would be LOTS of work ahead of us, but I looked forward to the distraction and new beginning. We had many reasons for moving (the house was too big, taxes were too high, we wanted to ditch a mortgage, to start over and make new memories, I never felt at home on the North Shore, etc) and downsizing was certainly one of them.

That's William with our Realtor coming down the front walk.

The house doesn't look very big, does it? While at 2400 sq ft it is much smaller than our 3400 sq ft house, it's still much larger than where we envisioned ending up. The inside of the house was packed to the gills however, so I didn't initially see it as "big." The previous owner really only lived on the first floor. Since then however, we've reclaimed the second floor....and the basement, so somehow it is big. Which is best judged by how much cleaning there is to do! I'm pretty sure the more room you have, the more stuff you gather too. We don't have any empty rooms..

The side of the house.

I love the charm and character of this old house, there is some beautiful detailing. I realize old homes are not everyone's cup of tea, but I couldn't be more content.  And all my old stuff now looks just fine.
It sits on a corner lot. Trust me, I did not think about snow shoveling 2 sidewalks at the time.

This is the back of the house, all these pics are from the first look. in the Fall of 2012. A bit has changed since then. ....

In many respects I have now started over.

Since last blogging, we sold a house, bought a house, moved into it - in a new town which I love- left xanga, became addicted to facebook, and learned to live a new life, one without Dylan. Dylan died on October 4, 2010, so it's been a 4 year process. Lots of pain, lots of ugliness, lots of Grief work, but here I am.

I think I'm all moved into the new xanga through wordpress too. It's different. I'm used to using emojis and don't know how to add them here. Maybe that's a good thing. We used to have to express ourselves with our writing, not with smiley faces. (Here I would insert a smiley face!)

Maybe I'll start with our move.

I must thank Michel Fauquet for helping me get started.

Testing

Hm....I'm not a hyperlink, so no one can find me. :insert sad face:

I haven't read yet whether xanga will be shutting down or not. It seems people are moving to livejournal. I haven't checked them out, but will open an account so that I can continue to read those I've been reading for years. (Most have gone on to other places already, and some I do keep in touch with on facebook.)

I am Chris Hadley on facebook. Send me a message if you're interested and I will give you my email address to find me, I'm sure there are many Chris Hadleys.