Today's entry is being written in the waiting room of Northwestern Cancer Center. While I really haven't been nervous about all this, all of a sudden, sitting here in this waiting room has produced some anxiety. Still, not as much as my usual so I'm still doing well on my Ativan wean.
I called my mom for her birthday yesterday. It was a sad but interesting conversation. My niece was there with her and she started texting me as mom and I were talking. Mom has declined markedly this year. She has forgotten all our birthdays and tries to cover memory lapses, but not very well. She knows she has some sort of dementia still lives alone and takes care of herself, her house and her dog. My brother lives a mile away and checks in on her, does her grass and snow, pays her bills. Physically she'll outlive us all. As much as she complained about how unhappy she is about this and that, she sounded pretty happy. Maybe because she can't retain those depressing thoughts? My niece texted as she was heading home. She said that mom gave her 2 of her hummel figurines and said, "You know Oma loves you even when I won't know you anymore." Ugh. Tear jerker for both of us.